The First Dress Code
Eve ate
half of the apples on the Tree of Life and I gobbled down the other half.
Eve was feeling fine when she rushed out of The Garden a little while ago, but
I'm stuck here at home under the tree because I've got a terrible belly ache.
The thing
is, God says that from now on Eve and I can't go walking around The Garden in
the buff. So Eve said she was going to get herself a wardrobe. Skirts,
blouses, stockings, fancy shoes, all that nonsense.
Well I
don't know where in Hell she thinks she can get those things. On the
other hand, maybe Hell is exactly where.
And God
says I've got to do the same. He commanded me to get a fancy gentleman's
suit, and to put on a tightly binding shirt, and to choke off my air supply by
knotting a silly decorated rag around my neck.
So it looks
like my happy, carefree days in Paradise are coming to an end.
Here comes
Eve now, and she's pushing a wheelbarrow that's piled high with dresses and
skirts, and blouses, and even some trousers and shirts for me.
"Where
did you get all this stuff, Eve?" I demand angrily.
Eve smiles
smugly. "Where else? From Lucifer."
"From
Lucifer!" I scream. "From Lucifer! You know God's not
going to like this at all, don't you?"
"Well
what else could I do?" she whines. "God says we have to wear
clothes. So where else can I get clothes? There's only you, and me,
and Lucifer. And besides, God has already damned us because we ate those
apples."
"Yeah,
right. And who cajoled us into eating the apples? It was your pal
Lucifer."
Eve
giggles.
And now I
notice a strange mark on her neck. "Hey, what's that blue squiggly
thing?" I ask. "It looks like the Serpent."
"It is
The Serpent." She smiles, pleased that I have noticed.
"Lucifer put it there. It's a tattoo. And I'm the first woman
on the planet ever to have one."
"Well of course you are. You're the only woman on the planet."
"For
now I am, my dear," Eve replies, smiling coyly and patting her
belly. "But maybe I won't be for much longer."
Oh My
God!!!
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